I don't know why I'm so horrible at posting on my blog, maybe it's because I sit all day at a computer and try to avoid sitting at mine at home...that is until Plants vs. Zombies sucks me in!
Well I'm going on week 6 with my personal trainer, Brandon. I haven't lost any weight and I go back and forth on if I've lost inches. A few articles of clothing feel that they're too big but then I put on my jeans and say "WTF". I know jeans tend to be tightest right after washing and drying but come on already. I've been putting off all cardio outside of the gym and I want to blame work and stress and feeling tired ALL THE TIME. I've been seeing the chiropractor again to hopefully help me sleep better and relieve some of my aches and pains, but I still feel like I'm tossing and turning all night.....again maybe due to stress at work.
I'm eating 6 meals a day. Each around 200 calories for a total of 1200 cal a day. I have a hard time between eating my snacks and eating my meals, I just get those lovely hunger pangs about 30min before I get to eat again. I have to be careful cause if I let myself get too hungry, I tend to take too big of bites and I don't chew enough then my food gets stuck and it comes back up.
On a much more bitter note.................................
My birthday is next week and after having to cancel our Disneyland trip due to no money, I've decided I'm sick of having my birthday suck and just want it to be over with. I don't want to go out to dinner and pretend that I'm ok with feeling that everyone sees it as just another day, just another dinner. Out of 33 birthdays, I can only remember having 4 parties, 2 of which I felt like I had forced on my mom. I never get what I want, maybe it's because I don't speak up but FUCK ME, maybe if you figure out what I'm interested in, you'd know what to buy me. Let's try this for a change, let's not talk about you and what's going on in your life and maybe ask me a few questions and actually care what the answers will be. A present should be something that I wouldn't normally buy myself, so keep that in mind when you're looking at new socks for me. If you just don't know and you're giving yourself an aneurysm over it, I'm not against gift cards or good ol'fashioned money.
Was this blog too harsh??? I really don't care right now. Why shouldn't I speak up when it comes to my "real" feelings. I've kept it bottled up for 33 years, so I need something to change and I learned a long time ago that if I want something changed, I'm the only one I can count on to make that happen. What sucks now is if I do get a party for my birthday, I'm going to always feel that it's because I bitched about not having one and it's not because someone actually gives a shit.....again 33 years of crappy, half assed birthdays is evidence of that. I don't want anyone to feel that I've never been thankful for the "Happy Birthdays" or the gifts I have gotten, but sometimes actions speak louder than words.
